Feeding my Faith

A month ago I saw this quote (author unknown) on a Sacrament mtg program.......

"Feed your faith and your fears will starve to death"

This has become my new favorite focus, feeding my personal faith. The last 6 months have been some of the most heart wrenching and faith challenging time for my family and myself. Losing sweet Carson still is very painful and watching Nicole and Boyd and my parents grieve is sometimes almost unbearable. The farm isn't doing well so the added financial stress to my family (particularly my Dad) is a huge weight on all their shoulders. Then Garlan was let go from his job in April. At first we were both shocked, hurt and nervous about what to do next but quickly we recognized the hand of the Lord in this new trial. G had been miserable for many months. Without going into unnecessary details, his work environment and particularly his boss's management and ethical style were not a good fit. Blessing number one - forced to find a better fit. And that fit just might be the National Guard. G has always wanted to join the reserves but never felt it was the right time. There is no better time than when you are unemployed. At first he was just looking at random jobs in the reserves but it actually has led us into a totally different direction. He scored really high on all the aptitude tests they gave him which qualified him to do military intelligence and learn a language through their defense language program.  After fasting and praying we decided to go for it and he has chosen to learn Mandarin. This will help to open up a lot more opportunities in the business world and maybe even allow us to help spread the gospel to Asian countries. Not the direction we would have ever thought of but it has felt like all the doors have shut except for this particular path. He'll be gone at first for at least 6 months doing basic and advanced training and our visits will be limited but then they'll move our whole family to Monterrey, Ca for 15 months while he learns Mandarin. Crazy I know! When we get back from Cali he will start his MBA program and after that is done the sky is the limit. Blessing number 2 - new opportunities for G's future careers.
A week before he was let go we had 4 nurses retire/leave our ICU unit which made it possible to immediately start picking up full time hours. Blessing number 3. My sister April was just finishing finals at BYUI so she came down the next week to help with Emma while I worked and G job searched. I am so thankful for her sacrifice and help during this difficult time. Blessing number 4. The blessings have continued to come a little at a time, just enough to feed our growing faith and to remind us that God loves us and is helping us through these challenges.

One of my new favorite scriptures is:

D&C 105:36 All victory and glory is brought to pass unto you through your diligence, faithfulness, and prayers of faith.

Though the last 6 months have been full of many trials, I have never felt so close to the Savior. I had dark moments of fear and doubt but as I have continued to feed my faith through the Atonement of Christ those fears really have slowly starved to death.